Failed...

That's my new title... Failed Induction.  Out of all the things to fail during pregnancy, induction isn't one I thought about.

Now that we've been home for a week, I figured its about time to update on the birth story...

Saturday, November 19th, Peter and I left for the hospital at 7:30pm after some last minute preparations at home and some teary goodbyes with Oreo.  We arrived a little before 8:00pm only to wait until 9:00pm for a room.

We get in the room and the admitting process began.  I got into the lovely hospital gown and climbed into the bed.  The nurse, Ivy, was great.  She hooked up my IV line, took blood, and asked me my medical history.  I found out my blood type is O+ (I never knew that).  Ivy strapped on the monitors and struggled to keep Baby Boy on it.  He was his bratty 'ol self and wasn't cooperating.  Because he was so active they had to put off inserting the Cervidil to make sure he was ok.  My internal exam still had me at 1cm with no effacement.  Ugghh.... still no progression, Baby Boy was obviously not ready.  Finally at about 12:15am I got the Cervidil and at 12:30am Peter went home to get some rest.

During the night I slept at about hour long clips.  My blood pressure was constantly monitored, the volume of his heart rate was loud and the constant doctor and nurse pages kept me up.  Not to mention the strengthening contractions.

6:00am November 20th, Peter texted me that he would be back to the hospital in about an hour.  Let me just say how much it sucked not having him beside me, but I'm glad he got to sleep in our bed instead of a chair.

Contractions were about 2 minutes apart and strong, but my threshold proved right so far and they weren't that bad.  My mom came at about 8:00am and for the 4 hours remaining of the Cervidil, they kept me entertained.  At 12:30pm Dr. B came in to remove the Cervidil and check my dilation.  She had me at 2/3cm still no effacement but I was soft.  Baby Boy was still so high so she couldn't break my water.  She let me stay unhooked for an hour to walk around and eat something before they started the Pitocin.  I tried a lot of different positions to get him to drop not to mention get through the contractions (which still weren't too painful).

At 1:30pm I was hooked back up to the IV and now the Pitocin.  After a little while the contractions started to get more painful.  This is where I lose track of time... Sometime around 4:00pm, Megan arrived.  She was (and always will be) our comic relief - which we would soon learn was needed.  Baby Boy wasn't reacting well to the contractions so they gave me some oxygen (I tend to hold my breath during contractions instead of breathing through them).  Then they turned off the Pitocin for a little bit to see how he responded.  Apparently it was the strong contractions while on the Pitocin that he didn't like.  At about 5:00pm we get a phone call from Dr. B... the phone call and decision I was dreading... Since he was still high and I wasn't progressing that fast, I'd have to be on Pitocin for a long time - which Baby Boy didn't like.  So that meant C-Section.  Dr. B would be back to the hospital in about an hour and there was only one other C ahead of me.  It was happening so fast.  After many tears, I eventually came to terms (with the help and support of my family).  I know his health is most important so I was ok with it as long as he was healthy.

At about 6:30pm I was walked into the OR.  Peter was brought in after I was prepped and at 7:23pm we heard the most amazing cry.  Nicholas was here and was doing really well.  The anesthesiologist took some great pictures for us - he wouldn't let Peter look above the barrier.  Peter got to hold Nicholas for a good 20 minutes after he was cleaned up and weighed.  It was a beautiful moment.  I was able to hold Nicholas in recovery and get some time with him and Peter before he was taken to the nursery... another beautiful moment.

No matter how he got here, he's here and healthy and that's all that matters.  The pain and scar is worth it.

(I'll post pictures soon.  They're still on the camera.)

Thinking of you...

Just a quick post...

Its 2:21 am on November 20th and as I try and rest while the cervidil does its job all I can do is think of you Baby Boy. I love you and can't wait until that moment you are put on my chest. I hope I don't have to wait too long.

Love you lots!
Mommy

Induction

Induction has been set for tomorrow night.  Yikes!!  My blood pressure has been high in the office (still textbook at home) so she doesn't want me to go any longer.  Bloodwork and urine have come back normal both times (yup had to do it again this week) so its not pre-eclampsia.  But she's labled it as "pregnancy induced hypertension".  Even though I wanted to go naturally, I'm ok with the induction because Baby Boy doesn't seem to want to leave his comfy womb and I don't know how much longer I can be pregnant.  ;-)  I haven't had any contractions to write home about since last week, so like I thought, he's coming right on time - with a little help.

I have to be at the hospital at 8:00 and they'll start me on cervidil gel then and as long as it does its job, I'll get the pitocin Sunday morning (or another dose of cervidil).  The cervidil stays in for 12 hours.

It's everything I didn't want my labor/birth to be, but I have learned that I can't plan anything with regards to pregnancy.

39 Weeks!!

Dear Baby Boy,

Today is one week until your due date.  Mommy and Daddy are so excited to meet you!  I can't believe it's almost time to have you in my arms.  You have no idea how loved you are already.  Your big brother Oreo, Aunt's, Uncle's, and cousins; Grandma's and Grandpa's; friends... they're all ready to meet you little man.  Mommy's been getting texts and phone calls since she started her maternity leave from work asking how I was feeling and if there's any chance that "tonight is the night".  Daddy wants you to come early, I have a feeling you'll come right on time.  You seem very comfy inside Mommy and I don't think you want to leave yet, but I can't wait to feel your skin on mine, kiss your little cute button nose, and hold you in my arms. 

I hope I'm a good Mommy.  All I want is for you to be healthy and happy.  I want you to feel loved.  I want you to succeed in all you do and whatever you want to do.  You have so much love behind you that you can do anything.  Kid, you'll move mountains!

Mommy and Daddy are anxious, nervous, excited... so many emotions wrapped up in one.  We've been cleaning... pregnancy calls it "nesting"... all weekend.  We want our little house clean and ready for your arrival.  We want everything perfect for you.  You deserve it!  You're my little "Rainbow Baby" and I'm so happy you chose me to be your Mommy.  I love you Baby Boy!!

I want to write so much more but I can't put all my emotions and feelings into words.  Just know that Mommy and Daddy love you already.

Love,
Mommy

Nesting = Baking

Just wanted to share my "food porn"...

Wow, that's huge.

I got the recipe here and the only thing I changed was the amount of ginger and nutmeg. I used 1/4 tsp of ginger and a tsp of nutmeg. Peter and I aren't big ginger fans. I used ice cream cones instead of liners because 1) I didn't have any and 2) what's better than eating the whole package? I can't take the credit for the idea. My friend Keri and her mom have been doing it for years.

Enjoy!!

Change of plans...

Well, my maternity leave is starting a day early.  Not because of contractions or broken water, but because of a 24-hour urine collection tomorrow to check for protein to rule out pre-eclampsia.  Blood pressure was high in the office tonight.  And I'll tell you why...

I arrived at the doctor's office at 6:15 for my 6:45 appointment tonight.  I had the hopes of being hooked up to the NST before my exam.  Once again, the best laid plans... At 7:00 I finally hear her call back to the nurses station that the "NST was here".  At 7:25 I get called only to be told they have another woman on the NST and it'll be another 15 minutes.  At about 7:30 I get called again by another nurse.  She brings me into the room and tries to hook me up to the machine.  Tries, is the operative word.  I had to tell her how far back to recline the chair... how to strap the sensors on my belly.  It was ridiculous.  Then she couldn't get static out of the machine much less his heart rate.  Two other nurses had to come in and help.  The machine was acting up so I had to lay on my left and hold his sensor tight to my belly... the whole 20 plus minutes.  When the doctor finally comes in (the first time I met this doctor - who could very well be the doctor who delivers Baby Boy) she says everything looks good and turns off the machine but leaves me hooked up.  I ended up taking off the sensors myself because it was obvious that no one was going to do it.  The nurse comes in to take my blood pressure.  I explain to her that she's about to take it on the arm that was straining to hold the sensor for almost a half an hour and that it might affect my blood pressure... she shakes her head and says "nah".  Ok... well 140/80 later.

Now the doctor recommends blood work and a 24-hour urine collection.  Typically my blood pressure is taken twice in the office but not tonight.  Whatever, its better to be safer than sorry, right?  What about the monitoring I'm doing at home?  What does that tell you?

No internal exam?!?

The nurse comes back to take my blood and then sends me on my way with a bucket to collect my pee in.  As I'm walking across the parking lot, at 8:20 ish, I hear my name.  Apparently they took my blood in the wrong color coded vials and needed to take more blood!  As the two nurses argued over who's fault it was, I was fuming on the inside but didn't let them see it and on the outside remained a very accommodating patient.

I called my mom on the way home... when I eventually was able to get in my car and leave that place... and she reminded me that "of course your blood pressure was high.  You haven't eaten since lunch, you're probably dehydrated, and having to wait 1 hour and 15 minutes to be seen just added to it.  I have never had such a crappy experience there.  Typically I never wait more than 15 minutes if I have to wait at all and everyone there are competent... must be a full moon!!  On her advice, I took it when I got off the phone with her and it was 131/57.

So I am now officially on maternity leave.  I wish I had a better reason to start early but I guess any reason is a good one.  ;)  And for the record, my blood pressure was just 125/56!

On a side note, my belly button looks like Oreo's butt hole. ;-)  I had a deep belly button to start so its not flattening or popping out, but it's more shallow and now puckering. =)  And I'm not ashamed to share...

38 weeks 3 days... poor belly button :(

Here's my latest profile taken last Saturday... what happened to my ass?? It's gone! ;)

So now I'm off to bed.  Should I leave my alarm clock set? ;)

One Day...

I've made it... I only have one day left on my maternity leave countdown!!  Tomorrow night, November 10th, I'm going to have the ever-popular, labor-inducing eggplant parmesan for dinner.  What have I got to lose right?  But I have a feeling he's too comfy and will make his arrival closer to his due date.

Baby Boy keeps passing his BPP tests every week.  It takes some prodding to get him to move (he's always active right before and right after the appointment) but he passes each part.  Today is the NST and an exam for mommy.  I get to meet the other doctor that would be on-call if my doc isn't, which is nice.  I hope she sees some progression. ;-)

38 weeks 1 day (may be TMI for some)...

Let me get the TMI stuff out of the way so if you want you can skip this first paragraph...

Friday at 37w5d I started losing my mucus plug at work. It was accompanied by some braxton hicks and back pain. I was feeling hopeful as this continued through the night and some smaller pieces/BH on Saturday. Didn't last though... as I'm sitting here on the train going to work. ;) Here's the TMI... I didn't realize how much there would be. It just kept coming each time I used the bathroom. Some fairly large chunks and some small. But there was no denying what happened. Things are moving along. :)

Ok, no more TMI...

Friday night we took our BFFs Glenn and Melissa to dinner for a belated birthday celebration. Peter and I also wanted to ask them an important question. We asked them to be Baby Boy's Godparents. With our sister's already having the special title of Aunt, we wanted our BFFs to have a special role in his life. However, I may have created a monster. ;) Glenn now calls himself "THE Godfather" as in Marlon Brando. He wants us all to kiss his ring. And Melissa said he's contemplating buying a cement truck. Oh boy, what have I done??

Today marks the start of my last week at work before maternity leave. I'm sitting on a train this morning instead of breathing through contractions. I'm not sure why I was sure I'd be delivering early but I did and I'm kinda bummed. But I know he'll be here soon enough and the closer to his due date the better. I'm so curious to find out what progress I've made on Wednesday. This waiting for something to happen is painful for this self diagnosed OCD that needs to plan everything. Sigh.

Let me take a moment to discuss Christmas marketing. Its November 7th and I saw the commercial that I typically don't see until around Thanksgiving. This commercial traditionally starts the holiday season off for me. Its the Hershey Kiss Bell one. Its an oldie but it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Well this morning I wasn't ready for it. It just sprung up on me. Yikes! Am I just noticing all these commercials more now that I'm in a time crunch?? Time is moving too fast for some things and too slow for others. I can't believe I'm 38 weeks already but I also feel like I've been pregnant forever and am ready to meet the little boy who has been tap dancing on my ribs. Sigh.

Ok, lets hope these last work days go quick and my planned eggplant parm dinner Thursday night gets things moving. :) Happy Monday!

Progress??

So... as of this past Tuesday evening I am officially 1cm dilated, but no effacement.  Somethings happening, which is good, and I don't mind if it's a little slow.  I still have a week of work left... a week of a full paycheck.  The last BPP and NST went well.  Baby Boy keeps passing his tests.  Mommy also got a negative result for the Group B Strep test... thank God, I did not want to pump my body full of antibiotics.  And as always, blood pressure is high in the office and normal at home.  Let's hope it doesn't skyrocket while I'm in labor, I do not want to end up with a pitocin drip to speed things along or a C Section.

I can't believe it's November already.  This month we become parents.  This month our lives change forever.

Nursery is 90% ready for Baby Boy - but if he came today, we'd be fine.  We just need some finishing touches... mounting the video monitor (which Peter has played with already), hanging the found oar Philip painted his name on, installing a dimmer switch (or a lamp - we haven't fully decided) the light is too bright for late night feedings, and a little more organizing of the basket of little things from my shower.

We're also preparing the basement family room for his arrival.  I'll probably be spending most of my maternity leave down there so we took down my drafting table and made room for the swing and pack-n-play.

This weekend I'll also be finalizing the packing of my bag.  Peter keeps having dreams that we're not ready - I thought it was the woman that had the pregnant dreams - so he's kinda hounding me to finish packing. ;-)  He also had a dream the other night that Baby Boy was so tiny he fit in the palm of his hand (trust me my ribs would prove otherwise) and he dropped him down the drain as he was giving him a bath.  I think it's cute he has these dreams... I mean someone has to since I'm not.

I'm also re-thinking my birth "plan".  I am fully aware that the "best laid plans...", but I want to try to have a plan set and will be flexible if I need to be.  I would like to try labor and delivery drug free.  At first I was sure I was going to get an epidural - and I still might - but I want to at least try and see how long I can go without one.  The first thing I'm going to ask when I get admitted is when is the latest I can get one so I know my window of opportunity.  My mother knows I can do it.  I kinda have a high threshold for pain plus I hate to take anything for a headache.  I'm not quick to pop meds when I'm sick.  I let my body fight the fight it was built to.  So, we'll see.  Who knows, I may be screaming for drugs as soon as I get to the hospital. ;-)  That's why it's a "plan".  I'm not carving it in stone, it's written in pencil so changes can be made.

Two years ago...

October 28th 2009 was the crappiest day of my life. Its the day my hopes and dreams for my first pregnancy came crashing down all around me. As I sit here with Baby Boy moving around without a care reminding me how blessed I am, I'm thinking of what could have been. I still wonder if I should have had another ultrasound before the D&C. I've blogged about this before so I won't dwell on it, but I still hope I made the right decision. I happened to catch an episode of "I didn't know I was pregnant." where the woman was told that she had an empty sac (like me) but she decided since she was already bleeding she'd let it happen naturally and not have a D&C. Eight months later she gave birth to a healthy baby. The "what-ifs" always sneak in and bring me back to that day and the day of the D&C (Nov. 11th).

Today I'm going to focus on this little miracle thriving in my belly. He's already got me wrapped around his finger and I'm so anxious to hold him.

Cherish all your gifts and don't look back. You can't turn back time so love the moment you're in.

Maternity Photoshoot

We had my sister take some pics last weekend (at 35w6d)...

Today I'm 36 weeks and 3 days... getting more and more uncomfortable.  No dilation or anything at the last appointment.  We'll see what this Friday brings. ;)

35 weeks, 5 days...

Ahhh, the joys of the late pregnancy weekly exams.  I'll spare you the details, but let me just say, it's not fun.

As for the weekly NST's and BPP's... so far so good.  Baby Boy is passing his tests... such a smarty like his mom and dad. ;)  Yesterday was my last growth scan.  He's seemed to have slowed down and weighs approximately 5lbs 12oz.  But that head... still a week ahead.  Again, all those brains. :)  And yes, still a boy!

My shower was perfect!  My sister did a great job.  Her and my BFF surprised me with a trailer for Peter's bike so we can take him out and about with us next spring and summer.  They also filled it with gear for upstate.  Complete with plaid flannel shirts and boots. ;)  I wish I had some pictures to show, but I didn't take much with my camera and I haven't gotten any from my or Peter's mom yet.

Tomorrow I'm taking sissy's family fall pics and bribing Peter with a homemade apple pie so he'll participate and get some maternity pics of us.  The old saying is true... a way to a man's heart is through his stomach.  Or in Peter's case, feed him and he'll do what you want. ;)

Next weekend Christine will be in town and the non-stop family weekend starts on Wednesday!  We start with dinner with Peter's mom and a trip to BuyBuy Baby, then Thursday we hang out with Christine and Haley.  Friday is dinner at the in-laws.  Saturday is a Deschler break and my mom and Philip will be coming over to visit with take-out.  Sunday is yet another dinner at the in-laws.  I think for once, I will be happy to go to work on a Monday. ;)

Ok, keep your fingers crossed for a negative Group B Strep test... I don't want to have to rush to the hospital for antibiotics when I'm in labor.  My plan is to stay and labor at home as long as possible.  We'll see if it really happens. ;)

Non-Stress Test & Biophysical Profile

Let the weekly NST/BPPs begin! I guess 'high risk' has its benefits. Ughhh... My manager's gonna love this. Maybe I should start maternity leave today. ;)

Had the first NST today and actually had a notable contraction during the test but Baby Boy did fine. I even got to hear his hiccups. :) So cute.

I can't believe I'm in the home stretch already!  While it seems like I've been pregnant forever, it also feels like yesterday that the pink line showed up for the first time and our lives started to change.

Drive-By post...

My 34 week appointment is tomorrow morning.  Hoping my blood pressure is ok.  At home it's textbook.

Baby Boy just had a bout of the hiccups.  So cute.  He's been getting them a lot lately.  Must be all the lemonade I find myself drinking. ;-)

My shower is this Sunday!!!  Yay!!  I can't wait to see what my sister planned and all my close family and friends.  Oh and then there's the gifts. =)

Ok, I'll update Monday with hopefully some pictures.  Back to work I go... reluctantly.

Early Eviction??

No worries... I'm not in pre-term labor, but Baby Boy is encroaching on my comfort.  In addition to my lack of comfort/lack of sleep at night, I now can't find a comfortable position to sit in.  I swapped out my desk chair for a comfy reception chair at work.  It's nicer on my behind, but it makes for a more reclined position which equals easier to nap in.  Not ideal when I'm supposed to be paying attention on a conference call or... working!

I'm 33w3d today with 46 days to go!  And not like I'm counting or anything... but 25 days left of work! =)

I play tag with his little feet during the day.  I know I'm repeating myself, but I love feeling him squirm, shift and even hiccup.  It's what I've wanted my whole life... to experience pregnancy.  Motherhood will be the added bonus.  Peter still says I'm an amazing pregnant woman and I'm the happiest I've ever been.  Everyone expected a "complainer", but I just don't have anything to truly complain about... except for the lack of comfort/lack of sleep.  But even that I expected so its not so bad.  Pregnancy works for me!

Blood pressure is still good.  I have my days when it's a little elevated, but still within textbook range and it's all due to bad eating.  Shame on me, but sometimes you just need a few french fries. =)

I'm officially gaining weight and have been for the past 3 weeks.  Still all belly which means Baby Boy is the one that's growing.  However, I'm still down 4.6 pounds from when I started this journey.  I hope that post-pregnancy finds me losing weight and healthier than I was pre-pregnancy.

Here's the latest of the bump... Peter was being artistic.

From that angle I don't look that huge, but the bump has definitely grown!

Photo Share...

Peter and I had a mini photo shoot last night...

32 weeks down... 8 to go!

32 weeks I feel, is some sort of milestone.  I'm not sure why or how this idea is in my head, but I can't shake it.  It must mark something.  I read all my updates this morning and nothing states it as such, but for me it's an important day.

I've only got 8 weeks to go before I hit my due date.  Eight weeks to prepare the house, Oreo, Peter, and myself... mentally.  Well that is if he comes on time.  Peter and I think he's going to be early... probably because I'm starting maternity leave a week early and I have all these plans for that week.

Three weeks until my shower... c'mon you really thought it was a surprise? ;)

This little boy continues to keep me calm.  Just when I worry that something 'must' be wrong, I get a jab in my ribcage to remind me he's ok.  He's a little acrobat in there with such little room left all his movements are (still) amazing to me.  How can he switch sides like that?  How can he be on my left one minute then the next minute, I feel a roll and he's nestled back on the right (his favorite spot).

I'm beginning to get impatient.  I can't wait until he's safely curled up in my arms; until he's nestled at my breast; until his big brother Oreo is checking him out and (hopefully) accepting him into our pack; until he's sleeping in his cradle; until I can just spend hours staring at love right in the face.  I have so much love for someone unknown, it's amazing.  Have I used that word enough? =)

To the touchy-feelies...

Dear fellow Starbucks Partner,

While we may work for the same company, in the same building, and you may make my drink or warm my breakfast everyday, I do not know you well enough for you to place your hands on and talk to my belly.

Do it again and pull back a bloody stump.

Thank you.
Sincerely, Adrianne

Why must people feel that its appropriate to touch a woman's pregnant body?  Before I was pregnant I never realized how much of an epidemic this was.  There should be only three people with free rein to my body: Me, Peter and my OB.  All others are by invitation only.  If you ask, I may grant access; but please ask first.

Today was the second time this person (who I don't even know his name) felt it was OK to leave his post behind the bar and grope me.

I wish I could create a PSA to warn people of the dangers of unwanted belly pats.

30 weeks, 1 day...

New aches and pains... my left hip feels out of whack.  Typically if I sleep on it too long, it'll hurt but I'll get immediate relief once I start walking around.  Not today.  Pelvis must be preparing, cause not even my hot shower made it feel better. =(

Weight gain was short lived, back down almost a pound.  I guess I'm destined to stay where I am.  As long as Baby Boy is growing, I don't mind shrinking.  Peter said it looked like I popped again and this morning he said it looks like I'm about to pop.  Geesh, what am I going to look like in 10 weeks??  Peter took some private belly shots of me yesterday.  I didn't think he'd be into taking the pictures, but he loved every minute of it.  He wants to do it again.  This time they won't be "private" and I'll share. ;-)

Blood pressure is ok.  Not great, but I've been slacking on my salt intake, so its as good as can be expected.  Still lower than it was that made me "High Risk", so that's a plus.

Today is my Joey's 1st Birthday!  I can't believe it's been a year already.  I re-read his birth story and I still get choked up.  I can't wait until its my turn and my sister can experience what I did.  One word... Amazing!

Let's Freak Daddy Out...

Dear Baby Boy,

Last night I had Daddy feel my belly where you were nestled and comfy.  I had him start at your cute little hiney, go down your back and finally find your head (resting nicely on Mommy's bladder).  It was cute to see his reaction.  He loved being able to actually feel you but was kinda freaked out. =)  I told him of the countless mornings I wake up thinking I'm crushing you because I feel your little body so hard as I roll over.

I love how you're more than a ball of cells buried deep in my belly and how I can now feel your ribs, spine and cute "little" head of yours.  It's amazing being able to feel the miracle grow inside me.  I'm awe struck every day at your punches, rolls, and jabs.  There's one now!  I love it!!  Keep it up Baby Boy.  Mommy and Daddy want you strong and healthy in November and all this exercising you're doing now will help you play with your big brother Oreo and your cousins Joey and Haley.

Love you!!

29 weeks, 2 days...

Passed my 1-hour Glucose test!!  Whew, that makes me feel great about so many things.

After today, I only have 45 days left at work!  Wow!  Time is flying.

I added some finishing touches to the nursery yesterday...

It's really coming along.

Yesterday I was catching up on the blogs I follow and I was reading one in particular.  It's about a woman who lost her baby at 26 weeks last year and is pregnant again.  Reading all her fears, worries, and cautious excitement, reminded me of the beginning of my pregnancy and some of the worries I still have.  I count kicks and listen on the doppler just to reassure myself that Baby Boy's still here.  While I'm still in amazement and can't imagine our house with a baby in it, I also can't imagine life without this life inside me.  I'm already in love and pray everyday he comes home healthy in November.  I wish I was in the "first pregnancy ignorance is bliss" phase, but I'm past that... this isn't my first pregnancy (boy, I hate that fact).  I know what can go wrong and it scares me.  But I can't let it bring me down.  I try and go through most of the day with hope and positive thinking.

Update on me...

Today marks 28 weeks and 2 days.  And for the math challenged, that's 11 weeks and 5 days remaining.  Wow!!  Time is flying.

Glucose test went well, better than I thought.  Now I wait for the results.  According to the lab, my doc should have had them yesterday.  I haven't heard anything so it's either "no news is good news" or she's waiting until my appointment on Friday.  Which brings me to another point... I'm at the point where my appointments are now every two weeks.  Kinda scary that I'm already in my third trimester.

Pregnancy is working well for me.  I've never felt better about myself and my body.  I feel great!!  Well except for the nagging exhaustion and the random Braxton Hicks. ;)

Baby Boy's room is set up furniture wise (that's the crib behind me in the picture).  Now we just need a mattress, bedding... and a baby. ;)  But I can wait until November for the baby.  He needs to cook just a little longer.

Weathering the storm...

We made it through Irene unscathed, or so we thought. At about 10:00am Sunday morning it seemed the worst had past us and we were in the clear. No damage and we still had power. So we took advantage of it... made Monday dinner plans with my mom and sis who lost power, whipped up a Dutch Baby for brunch and wondered what we'd do with all the extra gas Peter got for the grill just in case. Well at 12:30, we were suddenly surprised when the AC we were so gluttonly (is that a word? Now it is) enjoying stopped running. Ugghhh... there goes our power-hungry day.

In Irony's typical fashion, I had received a text at 12:30 from my Mother... "Power's back on." :(

So Peter caught up on some reading while I transferred pictures from my camera to my laptop (finally) and played around with editing a few of my niece. Thankfully the battery was fully charged. About an hour in, Peter reminded me of my new pint of Ben & Jerry's sitting in the now powerless freezer. Oh the sacrifices we make. After "lunch" we started to get bored and determined a "bed nap" would be the best plan of action.

At about 6:00, we learned that our neighbor to the left still had power!! What?! He was kind enough to run an extension cord from his house to our fridge. Our neighbor to the right was able to borrow a generator. It seems as if the power outtage was centered to 5 or 6 houses in the middle of our block. Lucky us!

We enjoyed a candle/lamp lit dinner of franks and beans cooked on the grill thanks to all the "extra" gas Peter got ahead of the storm. After dinner we played some Dominoes and I learned how Peter is such a "gracious" winner. We actually enjoyed our candle lit night. It was nice to do something together without a TV in front of us. Maybe we should make that a weekly or monthly event... "black out game night".

Woke up just as we fell asleep... to no power and the soothing sound of our neighbor's generator.

Furniture, Hurricane, and Glucose...

Big weekend up ahead of us.

Furniture is being delivered today!  Yay!!  I'm going tomorrow morning for my glucose challenge test and Hurricane "Irene" is creeping up the East Coast and should be/will be wreaking havoc on the Island Sunday.

Stay safe everyone!!

Baby Boy's Big Weekend...

We went to the Jimmy Buffett concert Friday night.  After an hour long rain delay, it was a great concert... as always.  Baby Boy was soothed by Mommy's dancing but he got restless between songs.  It was awesome to feel his reactions.

I wanted to make a t-shirt to wear to the concert, but iron-ons don't work too well on a ribbed tank top.  Here's what it would have looked like...

While I was at the concert, Peter started painting the stripes.  We finished the nursery this weekend.  And by finished I mean paint and trim.  Now we just wait for the furniture.

Growth Scan...

Today I'm 26 weeks, 4 days!  Baby Boy is right on track and weighs a hefty 2 lbs and is in the 53rd percentile for his size... Perfect!  And then there's his head!  His head is measuring a week ahead of schedule.  Yikes!!!  Must be all his smarts. =)

He's got his little hand on his forehead.  Almost looks like he's saluting. ;)

96 Days and Counting...

Not much to update on except the nursery is underway.  Yay!!  I kept thinking that it was never going to get finished (or started).  The painting should be done by the end of this week!  The great thing is that the room was already blue so we only had to paint where the closet had been and add some new 'design touches'.  My "psycho" (Peter's words, not mine) mother-in-law bought more than her share of the furniture.  Baby Boy will have to thank her for his dressers.  I can't wait to start setting it up but I've been put on a buying freeze... "We have enough letter 'N's' for his wall".  "Yes Dear!" =)

Oh, N, you ask?  Baby Boy's name will be Nicholas Philip!  It feels good to put a name to this little gymnast in my belly.

This past weekend, I was able to catch the alien-like moments on video so Peter can witness it.  He was shocked at how "violent" Nicholas gets while squirming and getting comfy.

Hopefully this weekend I'll be able to share some nursery photos.  Until then, here's a quick rendering I did to give you a taste. =)

24 weeks, 5 days...

This summer is flying by... not to mention my pregnancy.  Yet November still seems so far away.  I got the official date of my shower (no surpises here) and that brings me closer to reality.  But I still don't feel like a mom-to-be.  Its strange to think that, God willing, in only 3 short months I'll be holding onto this little guy in my arms instead of my belly.  I'm still paranoid about the 'what-ifs'... but that will probably linger for another 18+ years. ;)

His kicks now have a pattern and are stronger.  He wakes up with Mommy and then does some pre-bedtime yoga and stretching.  He also has some sporatic movements during the day, usually after breakfast, lunch and dinner. ;)  The train ride rocks him to sleep... wish it would do the same for me.

Yesterday I learned the reality of my Maternity Leave and well, it.... sucks!  I'm not going to go on a rant about it because I should be lucky that I get anything, it's just not enough time.  But like I just said to my sister, is there really a good amount of time?  I wish I could be a stay-at-home mom.  Anyone win the lottery lately and would like to donate to a great young family?? ;)

Wednesday I had dinner with my Grandmother, Aunt and Godmother who lives in Oregon so I don't get to see her that often.

My Godmother Kelly and I.  Yup, that's a 24 1/2 week belly! ;)

My 10 1/2 month old nephew is an official walker!!  Wow... in a little over a year, I could have a walker of my own!  Scary!

I love his Frankenstein walk! ;)  He's modeling his first pair of real shoes.

My Dress...

Today as I feel my dress gently drape across my legs as I walk, I'm reminded of the first time I wore it, when it felt like knives across my legs, when I suffered through my first overnighter on Fire Island. I wasn't unhappy with the people I was with or the things we were doing, I was unhappy with my skin. As the night progressed I learned that at the age of 32 I still did not know how to apply sunblock. I did not know my skin's limitations. As I relaxed on that beach with a sangria that early afternoon, I was unaware of the mayhem that would ensue later that night. As the night progressed so did my realization that this Irish girl should not be allowed in the sun without sufficient protection. As the night progressed I began to notice an uncomfortable swelling in my feet, a painful tightness in the skin of my shins, a reddness taking over my body, and the unquenched need for water. Yup, sun poisoning with what we think were 1st or 2nd degree burns. That night will be forever burned in my memory. It was the night I learned I cannot enjoy the beach without a good liberal coating of SPF100 and an umbrella with an SPF rating of its own.

For this little boy's sake, I hope he has Peter's Hungarian bronze skin. Or else he's doomed. He'll be 'that kid' lathered in white stuff having to run to his mommy every 5 minutes for a reapplication of his 'second skin'. Poor kid. I want him to enjoy the beach. We do, after all, live on an island. 

Haters...

For the past 2 weeks, someone at work who I've become close to has stopped talking to me.  I've done some reconnaissance and it seems as if she's depressed because she's 40 something with no children and single and I'm married and preggo.  The silent treatment all started on my Birthday when during cake I announced its a boy because a few office mates asked if I knew yet.

She knows about my miscarriage and how long it took Peter and I to conceive this miracle.  So it upsets me a little that she could let this come between us.  But, I've been there.  I've been my own Pity Party.  I've been jealous and depressed during those 15 (long) months when someone else around me would get pregnant seemingly without trying.

I had texted her to see what was going on and she said that she's going through some 'personal things that she's not handling very well'.  I told her she knew where to find me if she wanted to talk, she said 'thank you' and left it alone.  That was last week.  Finally yesterday she started talking to me... nothing personal but all work.

I know how tough it must be, especially now that there's no hiding this bump.  I try not to talk about it at work but if someone asks me how I'm feeling or anything else, I answer.  I'm not hiding my pregnancy, I'm excited.  But she's the one I would talk to about the design for the nursery etc.  Its kinda lonely but at least I'm getting some work done.

17 Mondays...

Holy Crap!  I only have 17 Mondays left (after today)!!  125 days to prepare for this little boy's arrival.  That is if all goes to plan and he comes on his due date.

I'm starting to get in nesting mode and the "I have sooo much to do and sooo little time to do it in" panic.  I know it will happen, it just freaks me out since I'm such a planner.  Just ask my poor sister who would like to plan my shower in peace, but I keep interjecting with ideas and thoughts.

I asked Peter if we should start our Christmas shopping soon.  But before he even answered I realized we do everything online anyway.  I can nurse and shop at the same time.  I'm a multitasker! =)

Last night I got to see his little kicks and punches.  It was the strangest thing to see my belly bulge and move.  He was a brat again though.  Every time I would tell Peter to stare at my belly button, he'd stop.  But Peter did get to feel the little feet yesterday morning.  I had to poke and prod my belly but it happened.  Whew... I was starting to feel bad for Peter.


Dear Baby Boy,

Daddy loves you just as much as your Mommy, can you show him you're in there and doing well?  It's not fair that I am the only one that gets to feel your somersaults and stretches.  Tomorrow is your Daddy's birthday and it would be an awesome gift if he could see you move like Mommy saw last night.

PS... it's never too early to start the famous Ditzel guilt trip. ;)  Your Meema and MaMa were and still are great at it.  I learned from the best so you're doomed. =)

Love you lots, Mommy

Little Feet...

Dear Baby Boy,

I love to feel your tiny feet up against me.  It reassures me that you're still doing well.  Promise Mommy and Daddy that you'll stay healthy and come November we'll take you home to meet your big brother Oreo and show you your new room in your home.  I love you more than I thought I could without touching you or smelling your head or giving you kisses on your cheeks.

So keep kicking and punching little guy.  I love it!!

Love your Mommy <3

A Month of Discovery...

Wow!  A whole month since I updated my blog!  Sorry I left you hanging. ;)

So here's the last month in a nutshell...

• Blood Pressure is evening out and is 'text book' 95% of the time.  I'm getting there and I feel great.
• Still losing weight.  I don't mean to rub that in.  I'm actually slightly concerned.  I just don't have the appetite I used to.  But baby is on track!
• Fourth of July was nice and relaxing.  That Saturday we went to our BFF's for a BBQ and had a great time.  Got to compare baby bumps with my friend Keri.
• Went to a Yankee game and saw Derek Jeter get his 2,998th hit (he hit #3000 2 days later).
• The moment you've all been waiting for.... IT'S A BOY!!!  I'm still in shock how many people (who claim to never be wrong) were wrong.
• Peter started working on the nursery.  I found a few things on Ebay for this little guy's room.  I can't wait to set it up!
• We decided on a name!  Changed our minds from Collin.  My mother had a dream the night before the ultrasound that it was a boy (she was one of the many that swore it was a girl) and we're 98% sure we're using the name from her dream.  I'll update when we're 100% sure.
• Last weekend we went up to Sawmill Station for some R&R and well... to burn the remnants of the closet Peter demolished from the baby's room.
• We started the registry last week and my mom, sister and I finished it this week.
• My mommy got me a Pandora bracelet for my birthday with a 3 charms.  One of them is a baby carriage.  I love it!
• I'm feeling more and more little kicks everyday!  It's the most amazing thing.  Peter just felt it for the first time last night!

Here are some pictures.  Enjoy...

Keri and I.  19 and 20 weeks respectively.

Our view at the game.

Our little boy kissing his placenta. ;)

At 20 weeks, 5 days he weighed 13 oz and all his measurements were right on track!

His heartbeat was a strong 154 bpm that day.

Oreo announcing his little brother to friends, family and Facebook!

(Doesn't he look so happy??)

Peter removed the closet that a previous owner added.

Yup, room is already blue!

Peter overseeing the "demolition debris fire".

And just because I love this guy... my nephew Joey on Father's Day.

Bummer...

So no floating in the pool all summer like I hoped for.  All I need to do is watch my diet and I should be able to control my high blood pressure.  Oh well, the pool will have to wait until the weekends for me. =(

In other news...
This week will be the first full week of maternity clothes.  No more squeezing my bump into my pre-pregnancy pants.  This baby needs to breathe. ;-)

Father's Day is this weekend and by Sunday night I should be "familied out".  Saturday its my family at our house and Sunday we're going to Peter's parent's house.  Of course now his mom is worried about her menu and the salt content.  I'll just have to make sure my breakfast and lunch are bland and I'll just eat smaller portions at her house.  I don't want anyone to change anything for me.  Besides, I'd rather sink my teeth into a bratwurst instead of a lettuce leaf.

High Risk and a Pin Cushion...

I had my 16 week appointment yesterday and I now have an appointment with a High Risk OB Tuesday because of high blood pressure.

The nurse took it and said it was high. So when the doc came in I told her it’s probably nerves and not to mention I have no idea what’s going on inside. She told me that I’d have to see a High Risk OB and do a 24 hour urine collection. Fun! So I asked her to take it again and she said if after 10 minutes laying on my side it’s lower, I won’t have to do the pee collection but I’d still have to see the specialist. So after 10 minutes of staring at a poster about the menstrual cycle and my parts, the nurse took it again and it was lower. Whew!

Doc listened to Turkey's heartbeat on the doppler but it was only for a few seconds.  What I did hear was strong.  A big sigh of relief!

Then the nurse tried to take blood for the second trimester screening and she couldn’t find a vein. I was starting to feel like the pain in the ass patient… and a pin cushion.  Finally she called in another nurse and she was able to find a vein and take my blood in one shot.

I made the big ultrasound appointment! Since my Mom, Step-Dad, and Peter's Mom want to be there, I made it at a Perinatal testing place. My doc recommended it because the room in our office is small and the monitor’s in this place are bigger.  July 8th can't come soon enough... is this a Samantha Rose or a Collin Philip??  I hate not knowing.

And update on Oreo... I didn't sell him ;) we just put things under the bed so he wouldn't fit.  Duh!

Emotional Wreck...

Four 1/2 year old Rat Terrier for sale!

No, how could I get rid of my "first born"?  But this morning I was very close to just walking away.

Every morning is the same routine, Oreo stays curled up in bed while I get ready for work after Peter leaves.  After I put on my shoes, I scoop him up and bring him to his crate downstairs.  Well this week, he has decided that under the bed is a better place to be.  Monday, he was fine; Tuesday I caught him just as he was "army crawling" underneath; Wednesday he got under the bed, but I left him there because I was in Jury Duty and knew I wouldn't be gone all day.  Yesterday was another good day... then came today.  Friday of all days, a day I have a 9:00 confrence call and can't be late.  I was brushing my teeth when I heard it... the unmistakable thud of a 20 pound terrier crawling into a 8" space.  So I put my shoes on, went outside like I was leaving, I even started my car, came back in expecting to be greeted at the door.  Nope, he was still under there.  Here's where the breakdown happens...

I'm on the floor begging and pleading... who am I kidding?  I was screaming... for him to get out.  I'm even poking him with the wand to our mini-blinds (which needs to be fixed by the way).  Nothing, but my exhausted hormonal breakdown.  Tears started flowing and I couldn't catch my breath.  I was a mess.  I went to the bathroom to wash my face when I saw it... sitting in the soon-to-be nursery... the vacuum!  Oreo's nemesis!  I'm a genius!!  I brought it over to one side of the bed, turned it on and watched him run.  He jumped into his bed and leaving the vacuum running, I scooped him up, turned it off, and brought him downstairs.  He knew he was bad.  As I carried him down the stairs, he turned to look at me with sad eyes as if to say "I'm sorry Mommy" and started licking my tears.  I felt like such a horrible mother.  I wanted to stay home and cuddle him all day.  It took me a long time to calm down.  I sat with my sunglasses on the whole train ride to hide my red puffy eyes and the tears that were still falling.  I'm a wreck today.

Hopefully in the months before Turkey is born, we can teach Oreo the "IN" command and remind him that his comfy crate is a good thing.

12 weeks, 5 days...

Had my 12 week appointment today.  Little Turkey was being a brat and not cooperating when the ultrasound tech was trying to take measurements.  I didn't care, it meant I got to see Turkey longer.  S/he was moving up a storm and using me as a kick-off platform.  I heard the heartbeat too... a strong 158 bpm!  Girl??? ;-)

Here's Turkey's latest picture... the only one since s/he wasn't behaving.  S/he even decided to nap 1/2 way through the sonogram.

I hope Turkey's nose isn't really that pointy. ;-)

As far as Mommy (me) my blood pressure was a little high so I have to go back in next week so she can check it again.  They did all the blood work today... 9 vials later.  I wasn't expecting that, but I was ok, no fainting.  I got the ok to take Claritin... pollen is rediculous this year.

Lets see, what else do I need to update on?  Oh, yeah... Jury Duty, I am juror #2 for a personal injury trial next week.  I actually don't mind.  I find it very interesting and it gets me out of the city for 3-5 days.

Our BFF's are still talking to us!!! We're even hanging out with them tomorrow.  I was so nervous but it was all for nothing.  They're so excited for us and can't wait to be Turkey's Aunt and Uncle!

I handled the Habitat for Humanity Mother's Day Mother/Daughter build like a champ.  Only took breaks to drink water and once when I got a little dizzy after bending over for too long.  I felt bad that I didn't do as much as I usually do, but my Mom understood and I had her and the homeowner watching me like hawks.  I can't wait until it's my turn to bring my little girl (if it is in fact a girl) to a Woman's Build site.  It's so much fun, and great to help out a worthy family with a worthy cause.

My Facebook announcement didn't go as planned... not everyone was so quick to get it, so a few days later I spelled it out for everyone. ;-)

I found out another friend is due with her second 4 days after me! Crazy!


I think that's it... well as much as this baby brain can remember. =)

Our BFF's...

I guess I should explain why our BFF's would turn around and look for new friends.

In the beginning, Peter and I originally didn't want kids.  We were happy with our Oreo and things the way they were.  We had Glenn and Melissa who have never wanted kids.  So the four of us were golden.  We vacation together and try to see each other as often as possible.  And even when we don't see each other for long, when we do finally get together, its like we were never apart.  Its that kind of great friendship.

Fast foward to my 30th birthday.  We were in the Outerbanks with Glenn and Melissa and they suggested going to the beach to watch the sunrise.  Well after watching the first sunrise of my 30's, I was a depressed couch-potato the rest of the day.  Something was missing... then I heard that faint tick, tick, tick.

Everytime Peter and I would bring up the subject of children, they would give us a reason not to while at the same time understanding our decision (and the agony we've been going through to conceive).  Because of them we would constantly go back and forth on the subject.  It was a very confusing time.  You see, we're the only "non-children" friends they have left.  Talk about pressure! =)

But we realized, we're the ones making the decision, not our friends.

So it brings us to our 'Lil Turkey.  I'm sure they'll be happy for us, I just don't want to lose what we had.  It's kinda sad.  I hope Peter and I are worried for nothing.

11 weeks, 4 days...

Symptoms are starting to ease up... thankfully!

Tomorrow is the day we're telling our BFF's.  I hope they don't turn around and start looking for new friends. ;-)  To prevent that, I'm going to give them a picture for their fridge...

You think it'll work?? =)

Saturday I'll be making the big Facebook announcement... 1933, 1955, 1977... 2011!  I wonder how many of my friends will 'get it'.

Sunday is Mother's Day and we're having Peter's parents over.  We're so not ready for it.  It feels like it snuck up on us.  We've got to clean the house and do the grocery shopping... when?  Yeah I don't know.  Tomorrow after work, I'll be at Glenn and Melissa's for Girl's Night (and a Dirty Toy party), Saturday I'm going to be with my Mom for a Mother/Daughter Habitat for Humanity Mother's Day Women's Build, then dinner at Meg's.  I have just enough time in between to shower, nap, and bake brownies.  Poor Peter's going to have to do this all on his own.

10 Weeks... the Big Reveal!

So we decided that we couldn't wait until Mother's Day anymore (our original reveal day).  My sister's BFF suggested putting copies of the ultrasound in plastic Easter Eggs.

Here's the story our the Easter Reveal...

I was getting dressed and my Dad texted me “Happy Easter! What have you guys been up to.” So I guess my Dad was going to be the first to know. ;-) As I was dialing his number, Megan called. I told her I was nervous and had diarrhea all morning. She laughed at me and told me to do it quick like ripping off a band-aid. So I called my Dad. Dad: “What’s new?” Me: “OhnothingI’mpregnant.” Just like that… one sentence in one word. ;-) I wanted to tell him that our plan for going down to visit him for Thanksgiving wasn’t going to happen this year ‘cause I’d be in the hospital. Yeah, that’s not what happened. =)

First stop was my Aunt Jineen’s house. I walk in and my Mom asks about the Easter Eggs that are peeking out of my bag. I say they’re for you and Philip (my step-dad). I hand them out, tell them to open them, and Philip dives right in cause he hears the jelly beans. He tells me later he was trying to figure out what the piece of paper was as he was opening it. “Well I knew it wasn’t a check ‘cause you didn’t owe me any money.” Geesh… really? But once he saw what it was he was ecstatic. He loves being an “Opa”. Then my Mom hugged me and we both cried. Aunt Jineen and my cousin Elizabeth were out of the room getting my cousin’s baby up from her nap so they missed it. So Philip put the picture back in the egg and handed it to Jineen. She had no words just bum-rushed me to hug me. Overall… the first reveal went off with out a hitch! My Mom said she had an inkling… which I knew she would. She said I had an energy around me. Philip is hoping I’m a day late so he can share his birthday with the new addition.

Second stop was Peter’s Mom’s house. We did it right away there too to avoid the wine issue. My sister-in-law Christine handed out the eggs and told them not to open them yet, but then my mother-in-law disappeared… she came back to the room and my father-in-law disappeared. After what seemed like a lifetime (it was probably only 5 minutes) they opened them. I don’t think it was processing in everyone’s brains yet before my mother-in-law practically tackled me to hug me. Again, we cried. After all the hugs and congrats… it started… the unwanted advice and name suggestions. Just what I was afraid of. Peter and I actually thought of keeping this baby a secret like at the end of Four Christmases. Peter’s grandmother apparently knows everything.

And the other thing that I was afraid of was my mother-in-law thinking she can touch my belly… we were leaving and she “air kissed” my belly. I flat out said, “Yeah, that’s just my fat.” Peter and Christine bust out laughing. Last time I was PG, she actually grabbed my fat roll. Ugghhh! On the way home I said to Peter if she really wanted to touch the baby bump she’d have to go lower, and I don’t really need her near my vajayjay.

It was a full… emotional… day. I’m glad its out in the open with the family. Our friends still don’t know yet. We want to tell our BFF’s in person then we’ll make the FB announcement.

In Love...

I just came back from my first appointment and to my surprise I got an ultrasound.  Luckily I was able to call Peter so he could come and see our little Turkey too (which looks more like a gummy bear by the way).

Everything looks great!!  Turkey's heart was beating strong and s/he was dancing around for us.

I'm in love!!  It's real now.  I've got another life inside me.  God is good!

Doritos...

Specifically Nacho Doritos in either a ranch/sour cream dip or onion dip... even plain sour cream would do fine.  Man, that sounds like heaven to me right now.

Now, how do I get away with eating that combination at work without the raised eyebrows?

I can't wait until the day I don't have to keep this secret anymore.

8 weeks...

... and I haven't left the couch all weekend. I had so much planned that I just couldn't bring myself to do. Why do today what you can put off till tomorrow?

4-5 more weeks of utter exhaustion. It seems thats all I write about, but its taking over my life.

7 weeks, 4 days...

Today's the day.

Today's the day during my last pregnancy when our world came crashing down.  The day I found out our little Poppy Seed didn't develop past a gestational sac.

I'm keeping positive that everything is different this time, but today still looms.  I'll be making extra trips to the bathroom to check for bleeding. :-/

A week and a half until my first prenatal appointment.  A week and a half until we learn that this Turkey is healthy and striving (remember... Positive, Positive, Positive).

I sure hope that my constant nausea, exhaustion, and painful "girls" are for something wonderful.

6 weeks 5 days...

Every two hours I take a trip to the bathroom.  I wonder if anyone at work is beginning to notice.

Hello Nausea!  Glad you're here but can you not come when I'm trying to get ready for work.  Or when its dinner time.  You know, I'm not sure when is a good time for you.  How about you stay steady throughout the day, just not as mean.  Thanks!

Hello Exhaustion!  I don't mind you.  But maybe you can coordinate with insomnia.  You two have got your signals crossed.

Hellooo Boobs!  Yup, they still hurt and they keep growing.  I'm frightened!!!

I'm happy with my symptoms... really.  It means things are going as they should.

I told my manager today.  I was late to a meeting this morning because I felt like I was going to throw up... I didn't, but the process made me miss my train.  I probably could have made it, but I'm not running to catch a train anymore.  I'm not taking any chances.

My first prenatal appointment had to get rescheduled due to the LIRR (don't get me started on my commuting rant... that would be a whole other blog).  Now I have to wait until April 18th.  I asked the woman who made my appointment if I should make an appointment for an ultrasound first and she said "no, it can wait."  I could hear the smile on her face.  Doesn't she know that I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING and it's driving me crazy that I can't see inside my belly.  Uggghh... I hear that patience is a virtue.  I'm not sure God blessed me with that one.  I guess its a learned virtue.  ...so we wait.

Blahhh...

6 weeks, 1 day... and I might actually get sick today.  The nagging mild nausea has stepped up its game.  :-(

Energy...

Exhausted
Burst of Energy
Exhausted

The burst lasts from between 10:00 and 11:00am.  From there its all down hill.  Second trimester can't come soon enough.

Co-workers have noticed how drained I seem and suggest we go get a cup of coffee.  I typically turn them down... what would they think if an exhausted person got decaf??

I'm thinking I'm going to tell my manager as soon as I see the sonogram/heartbeat.  She needs to know why I seem to be drifting in and out of consciousness. ;)

Double Digits…

1933, 1955, 1977… 2011
My maternal Grandmother was born April 11, 1933.
Twenty-two years later, my mother was born December 26, 1955.
Twenty-two years after that, I was born on July 11, 1977.

See a pattern??

I’ve always said that I wanted a baby in 2011 but back in 2009 when we decided to start trying, I didn’t want to wait that long.

So lo and behold, we got pregnant… well you know how that story ended.

Fast forward to November 2010, I get a psychic reading and the reading said that she saw conception late February/early March with twin girls and birth around 11/11/11.

February 2011… on the 22nd I had the HSG done. On the 27th (I know... not a double digit) I ovulate and ever since then I’ve been seeing double digits all around me… license plates, clocks, etc.

This morning I woke up several times… 1:33, 2:55, 3:22, 4:41.

Believe what you want, but I think I’m being told everything is ok.  I know a lot of these things can be coincidence, but I believe they have some sort of meaning.

Exhau..Zzzzz...sted

I have never been so tired.  This no caffeine thing is tougher than I thought.  I could really go for a huge Mountain Dew right now.  Mmmmm!!  But I'll be good, not only for our Turkey, but for me too.  That stuff can't be good for you.

Doctor's appointment is Monday.  I don't think I'm getting a sonogram but I hope it's not too much longer after that.  I can't take the not knowing anymore.  I need to know that everything is going as planned on schedule.  Can you say control freak??

Today is 5 weeks, 4 days and I'm nauseous, tired, boobs still hurt, and the heartburn is killing me at night.  Oh and a new thing... I wake up in the middle of the night with severe knee pain.  And its not even my bad knee.  Luckily its gone by the time I wake up.  I think its the position I'm sleeping in.  I'm going to try something else tonight.  Hey, maybe Peter could give me my body pillow back. ;)

Supermoon...

First an update...
No more spotting.  I stopped at 8:00am yesterday morning.  I feel great today.  Typical symptoms still... which is great!

Today was gorgeous out so Peter did some yard work... while I watched.  It's great being pregnant! ;)

We had our St. Patrick's Day dinner of cornedbeef and cabbage and boy was it yummy!  It was cooking all day in the crockpot and it was falling apart as we cut it.  Mmmmmm!

Here's a picture of tonight's Supermoon.  Tonight's fullmoon is the closest the moon has been to the earth in 18 years.  Peter says it looks like an ultrasound picture of a baby. ;)

Canon EOS Rebel xti ~ Tamron DiII AF18-250mm lens

f/6.3 ~ 1/320 sec ~ ISO 100 ~ focal length 250mm (image is cropped)

4 weeks & 5 days...

Was starting to feel better (emotionally) until this morning when I had some spotting (TMI:  its brown/dark red... like old blood).  Now I'm back to scared shitless.  I can't handle another loss.  I'm trying to keep cool though.  I contemplated staying home from work, but went in... what am I going to do home?  I'm not in any severe pain just the typical symptoms I've been having for the last week... nausea, fatigue/insomnia, tender boobs (which have already grown), and bloating at the end of the day.

I'm going to take it easy this weekend and if the spotting continues and/or gets worse, then I'll call the doctor.  But all of my "Dr. Googling" I've done said its pretty normal and could still be implantation since its still early... technically I'm only 4 days late.

Breathe In, Breathe Out
Stay Calm

UPDATE (2:56pm):
Spotting has seemed to stop.  Let's hope it stays that way.  I still have all my symptoms. ;)  But I do think I'm not drinking enough water.  I'm going to go home and put a straw right in the Poland Spring jug... skipping the water cooler all together. ;)

Paranoia...

When will I get excited?

I mean, I'm happy, but still so scared.  So many things can go wrong and just as I start to feel excited for this Turkey I'm cookin'... something snaps and I worry about the "what ifs".

My acupuncturist told me that the most important thing is to stay calm... I'm trying!  It's just so hard not to think of the fact that something could go wrong.  I have to let it be.  Its not in my hands.

I'm also now in the "scared shitless" stage:

• OMG... have you seen the size of our heads??  I keep looking at my head, then Peter's, then back to mine.  Our baby is going to be top heavy!! =)
• How am I going to make it as a mom?  I have to be responsible and make decisions for someone so helpless... I can't make desicions for myself!
• Why am I so nervous to tell people?  I guess its because I hate bringing attention to myself.  Would it be bad to send out a mass text to the family??  I mean, that's what I did when we got engaged. =)
• Am I going to be a screaming Banshee during delivery??
• Who's going to take care of our dog while we're in the hospital? (I know... it's silly, but our dog is like our first born and he's never been apart from at least one of us)

I just need to relax.

There's a turkey in the oven...

So... where do I begin??

Yesterday at work I was nauseous for a good part of the day... not to mention exhausted.  So for shits and giggles I took a test when I got home.  At 10dpo, I wasn't expecting what I saw... it was light, but there was a definite second pink line.  When Peter asked me what I was doing as I stood in shock in the bathroom, I stormed into the kitchen and shoved the test strip in his face and asked "do you see this?"  That is so not how I had it played out in my head, but alas, we're not your normal romantic couple.

As he was telling me not to tell my "girls" (from Baby Center), I was texting one of them.  As soon as she saw the picture, she called me back.  She confirmed what I thought.... BFP!!!

At her request I took another before bed and this time it was clear as day.  I texted her the picture with the quote... "I'm going to bed knocked up!"

This morning at 4:30, my eyes popped open (an hour and 1/2 early) and I layed there for about 15 minutes contemplating going back to sleep or just getting the digital over with.  Needless to say I've been up since 4:30 this morning and I keep staring at the beautiful word that showed up quickly... Pregnant!

We're not telling anyone until after the ultrasound.  We don't want a repeat of what happened 17 months ago.

Peter was scared shitless last night, but I think he's finally coming around.  Me, I'm cautiously over the moon.  Now I know why something was telling us to cancel that appointment. =)

Could it be...

Could our wolfpack be growing to three??

Changed our mind...

Nope, we still want children.  We're just wondering if IUI or IVF is the way we want them.

We vowed in the beginning that we were just going to leave it in the hands of God.  We didn't want to go through the added stress of fertility treatments.  Plus to quote Peter... we don't want to conceive our children by "whacking off in a cup".

So... we're 95% sure we're going to cancel (or at least postpone) our RE appointment.  We want to keep it natural.  And if Peter's SA results are abnormal (yup, we're still waiting) then his Urologist has plans for him.  So if I'm normal (relatively speaking) and Peter's normal (or plans are in motion if not), then why mess with nature.  Our time will come.

We know we can get pregnant... it happened in September 2009.  It will happen again.  It will!  We've just got to give it time.

HSG...

So yesterday was the "big" day.  It started off quite normal until the enema... I'll spare you the details but will tell you Peter and I laughed all morning.

We got to the Radiologist at 8:15 like they requested for my 8:30 appointment... needless to say doctors should tell you "your scheduled appointment is for 8:30, but you won't be seen until 9:00" (this has been my experience for all my appointments/tests except my bloodwork).  The nurse called my name and away I went leaving Peter in the waiting room.  The nurse, Debbie, was a sweetheart and explained everything and answered any question honestly.  The set up of the room was as long as waiting to be called... all for a 10 minute procedure!

Again, I'll spare you the details, but I was lucky and didn't feel much (thank you 600mg of Motrin taken at 8:00) and Debbie turned the monitor so I was able to watch the dye injected into the uterus and eventually dump out of the fallopian tubes... which is what we wanted to see.  Everything is all clear!!  Radiologist didn't see anything of concern.  So happy day for me!

I didn't even need Peter to drive me... I felt fine and went to work after.  It was nice to have him there though. =)

Today is Peter's appointment with his Urologist.  He was told NOT to bring in a "sample" and that he'll most likely be getting other tests done as well... probaby bloodwork, etc.  So we'll see what happens.  We think he might have to "produce" there. ;-)
  
Next week is the RE appointment... hopefully we won't need the next step of IUI's and IVF's... and all these co-pays were for nothing!

Results...

February 1st, pelvic ultrasound... NORMAL
February 5th, post ovulation bloodwork (progesterone - thyroid stimulating hormone - prolactin)... NORMAL

Next week (February 22nd) is the HSG (hysterosalpingogram) and I'm afraid of those results.

Peter is still dragging his feet on his SA (semen analysis).  He better hope there's a blockage in one of my tubes, cause if this is his fault... he will be on my "shit list" for not making his appointment. ;-)

March 3rd is the appointment with the RE (Reproduction Endocrinologist).

My "Infertile" Life... East Meets West

After 14 months/11 cycles since my D&C and nothing, it was time to take the bull by the horns.

Two weeks ago I started Fertility Accupunture.  My mother had been begging me to go since August 2010.  I'm glad I made the call.  Its so relaxing.  She suggested what to add and what to take out of my diet and she gave me some strange Chinese herb concoction to drink as a tea.  I see her once a week and I can't wait for my appointment.  I love it!!

Today I saw my OB/GYN.  She asked if I was "really trying" and if I wanted to see a specialist. I said yes, we're really trying and yes, I guess its come down to that.  She had to add that "really" in there??  Geesh.

I told her about my spotting before AF and if she thinks I should get a P4 progesterone test done... she told me I read too much. But she agreed. She also wants me to get my TSH and Prolactin tested. So good thing I made an appointment with the lab yesterday for Saturday morning (I didn't want the Saturday appointments to book up).

She also wants me to come in for an ultrasound to check that all's ok in there. I do that on Wednesday.  And if I'm not pregnant she wants me to get a hysterosalpingogram.

Oh and Peter got a parting gift...

I feel great now that things are in motion.  I still kick myself for waiting so long, but I can't look back.  Only forward from this point on!