The end of 2009 was a roller coaster for us.
Not to get too personal, but September we started to try to start a family. October 2nd we were surprised to get our BFP (big fat positive). Peter and I were elated. I was shocked that it happened so quickly. Well that excitement soon turned to fear when on October 19th only an empty sac was seen on the first ultrasound. The tech and my doctor felt that it was too early and I must have ovulated later than we thought. I ran the dates in my head (and on paper, and Outlook) and it could be possible, but not likely. But I kept that thought in my head and Peter and I kept going and started thinking of ways to tell our family (even though his Mom knew as soon as turned down wine at their house). October 28th fear turned to sadness. I started to bleed while I was getting ready for work in the morning. Peter had always said, if there was a woman who could handle a miscarriage, it would be me because I'm so strong (he was worried about his sister who was also pregnant). Well, I was alone, and I lost it. I barely had enough air in my lungs to call the doctor's office. My poor Oreo did all he could to make me feel better. I swear animals can sense when we need them most. I gathered enough strength to get dressed and drive to the doctor's office. I wasn't bleeding that heavily so there was still a glimmer of hope. I sat in the chair for an ultrasound and I was prepared for what I saw. An empty sac. It was explained to me that it was a blighted ovum. An egg was fertilized and started to develop, but after implantation it stopped.
I was actually OK while in the office. The doctor wasn't in so the nurse left her a note to call me. As soon as I walked out that door and into the rain, the tears started falling. I didn't know what to do, where to go, who to talk to, nothing. I called Peter and told him I was going to my Mom's. I drove the 20 minutes to her house to find that she wasn't home. All I wanted to do was crawl in bed with her. I cried the whole way home. As soon as I got home I curled up on the couch with Oreo and if I wasn't sleeping I was stunned into silence. If there was ever a time when I knew for sure that I wanted a family, that was the day.
Nothing like having your hopes and dreams smashed on a brick wall to make you realize that you do not hold life's steering wheel. It was as if God was telling me, "Nuh uh, you don't make the plans I do. You'll be a mother, but not just yet." That's a hard pill to swallow since I'm such a planner and getting pregnant in September meant that my due date would be in June. A month that the Bruno's needed to be joyous after the loss of both grandparents in June of 2007 and 2008.
Fast forward to November 5th. Since the bleeding stopped and the miscarriage wasn't happening naturally, we opted for a D&C. It was scheduled for November 11th. Luckily it was Veteran's Day and Peter had off from work. I wasn't worried or scared, I just wanted the process to be over and start fresh. Coming out of anesthesia in recovery I remember telling the nurse about a dream I had that they impregnated me with an alien baby. Peter said I was quite funny. I only had one moment of severe pain but it wasn't anything some Motrin and sleep didn't cure. Other than that, I was fine.
Now here it is February 12th and I'm on day 2 of the first cycle after the D&C and excited to start fresh. We're ready God, for your guidance. We're ready to become parents.
