something wicked this way comes...

Did you ever get that nagging feeling in your gut that something bad was going to happen?  I'm so nauseous it feels like morning-sickness.

I think my manager (my 7th in the 4 1/2 years I've been here) is leaving.  She moved up to NY from DC two years ago when the company closed the DC office.  Now, she went off and got engaged to someone from DC.  Besides this job, she has no ties to NY.  What's going to keep her here?  Me?  Yeah, No.  What's making me sick is the change.  Who's going to be my 8th manager?  My development has suffered because of the revolving door of managers.  There is no one in this office I would want to work under.  They're all micro-managers.  How I long for the days when I worked from home and didn't have to answer to 12 people... oh I'm sorry 8 (it feels like 12).  Those days were sweet.

Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions.  Maybe she's working out a deal to work from DC again.  But all these closed-door meetings with the seniors and the director usually mean change is coming.  She also seemed like she wanted to tell me something today, but couldn't.

I think I'm going to go all 'Peter Gibbons' on everyone and just not go in.

6 months!

I've been meaning to post since this past Thursday, so here's three posts in one...

Thursday, May 17, 2012:
I'm definitely ovulating today (sorry if that's TMI).  A year and 1/2 ago I'd be racing home to Peter to "catch that egg".  I'm actually kinda sad.  I forgot what it's like to not "try".  Today the ewcm and ovulation pains (forgot how bad they are) are going to waste.  Maybe in a year. ;)

I just saw my reflection in the window of a passing bus.  I looked old, unhappy and almost unrecognizable.  I have no explanation other than my usual suspects... work, commuting, work.  When will I change my stars?

Friday, May 18, 2012:
Six months ago today you were in my belly; happy as a clam and not wanting out.  I, on the other hand, was preparing for induction and your arrival.  I wish I remember exactly how I spent the day (most likely on the couch with Oreo) so I could get the whole picture, but everything before you is a fleeting memory.  Time before the moment I left the house for the hospital that Saturday night is vague.  You have changed everything and I love you for it!  You are the reason I smile.  I love you sweet Nicco!

Mommy and Daddy stayed home with you today.  You don't feel well.  Poor baby has a cold.  We both fibbed to our bosses ("my wife can't stay with him" "my husband can't stay with him") so we can have the day as a family.  This upcoming weekend is busy.  I hope we get to rest next weekend, Memorial Day weekend.  The unofficial start to summer!

Sunday, May 20, 2012:
Happy 6 Months Nicholas!!  I can't believe how much you've changed and have changed Mommy and Daddy.  We love you and can't wait for the next 6 months.  Ok, that's a lie.  We can wait.  We love the 6 month old Nicco.  You've got the greatest chubby thighs.  The smile that lights up a room.  The cutest little giggle when I "zurbert" your thighs and belly and when I tickle your neck.  You can roll from your tummy to your back (you seem to like being on your back best) and can sit up somewhat unassisted.  You've mastered the walker.  You can't quite get the sippy cup yet; you just use it to chew on.  You love all the fruits and veggies Meema has made for you and gobble them up.  Everything goes in your mouth!  Even my shirt, scarf, necklace, hair... anything!  You like covering your head with your blanket or bib.  You usually wake up stuffed in the corner of your crib.  And when you do wake up, you just lay there talking until we come in to get you.  You're such a sweet little boy.  I love watching you grow and explore.

My first...

Mother's Day.  It was kinda surreal.  It felt like every other day.  Nothing special but Peter took care of everything (but cleaning the bathroom and making dessert).  It was nice to spend time with Nicholas, just the two of us.

It was also the first time I left the house before 8:00 am that didn't involve work, a dance competition, or vacation.  Saturday, we went to Lowes to get our gardening supplies for the season.  We bought ten bags of mulch along with two more beach grasses, a new rose (since the existing stick in the ground didn't want to bloom anymore), a daisy, and some petunias.  We're going minamalist this year.

Some quiet time after a long day.

Yesterday we had both families over.  It was interesting to say the least but it was nice seeing everyone interact with N.

Meema and her boy learning to use pliers.  Getting ready for Opa to put him to work.

Mom Working... not Working Mom

I've been working for 20 years of my life. Sometimes with more than one job at a time. Then I was a working woman. But now my title is flipped. Now I'm a mom who happens to work from 8-4. I never saw myself as a "mom". But so quickly that has changed. The moment Nicholas entered my life, it happened. I might as well throw on a pair of 'mom jeans'.

I'm not a Super Mom

I wish I could do it all... Mom, wife, work, chores, and blog. But I can't, so the latter goes by the waste side.

Five and a half months... Fruit, rolling over, sitting up, babbling more and more, and the other day added scooting backwards. Last night he was sleeping in my lap after feeding and I found myself looking back over his time with us. I find myself doing that a lot. I' m just in amazement. I never knew I would love someone so much and never realized how quickly time really does fly.  I also find myself missing pregnancy and his birth.  It was amazing having life grow inside of me.  I wish for every woman to know this.  I wish no one had to experience loss or infertility.  I wish... for easy.